You know, I never really understood the magnitude of what it meant to become a wife at first. To be completely honest, I used to be one of those women who would say, “what is the big deal that a man wouldn’t want to commit if we have been together already for x amount of years.” Girl, was I wrong ! Just like it takes a village to raise a child, it certainly takes a village to help you keep your marriage grounded. Certain people you should keep around are:
God, and those special people who are in support of you no matter what and genuinely are happy for you and your marriage. If they are not, it is time to let those people go and love them at a distance. Another person that I think should be apart of your marriage village is a wife mentor for you and a husband mentor for him.
[ BUT WHY THO?! ]
I know you are probably like, “ Ashleé I am close to my mother and aunts etc., wouldn’t they be my mentors ? Everyone that knows me, knows that my mom is like my best friend. I talk to her majority throughout the week and we talk about everything. However, I have learned through various other wives that can also backfire when you tell family something that your husband has done that they don’t agree with. You may have forgiven your husband but your family is not always too keen on forgiveness right away. So instead of them having the side eye or thinking negatively it is best to keep certain things between you and your husband for that reason. Plus didn’t God tell us to cleave and leave??
Now, I have had the privilege of having a wife mentor who I have known for years and her husband mentors my husband as well so it all worked out. However, the woman you choose as a your wife mentor can be someone you just met but you need to have an instant connection with. I knew nothing about having a wife mentor until mine actually sat me down and told me she had one and she would like to be that for me. I was all for it! I am always about gaining wisdom from someone who is aligned with my same life values. A few things to make sure you check for in a wife mentor are:
- Trust: this is a MUST and a non negotiable. You have to be able to trust this woman with all your secrets and know that what you talk to her stays between her and you.
- Compassionate: She should be able console you when you are needing that girl talk and it is time to cry it out.
- A good listener: One who doesn’t mind listening to your situation without rushing you.
- Tough love: One who is going to tell it like it is and not sugar coat just to make you feel better ( trust me it is going to sting a little but make you better)
- Supportive: she should be a big supporter for your marriage. She wants to see you and your husband do good and stay married!
- Fun: Willing to let loose with you and just have a good time and not even have to be serious
I could go on and on but I think you get the point that I am making. If you haven’t found your wife mentor start looking within your circle and see who could be that person for you! Girl, you needed one like yesterday, lol. Mine has gotten me through this first year of marriage more than she could ever know. I am blessed to have her in my corner along with the others within my village.
I would love to hear your thoughts! Feel free to leave a comment below or over on the my @asimply_blessedwife IG suite or even contact me personally.
Many Blessings 💕